Item Well
by ShadowKing1988
Summary: Be careful of what you throw down the well...


**Item Well**

**Hey, it's my first Mario fic! Now, does everyone remember that well in Flower Fields (Chapter 6 from the N64 version of Paper Mario)? That well that gave you a badge if you threw in a blueberry and an enemy if you threw in anything else? This fic revisits that well.**

* * *

It was a sunny day in Flower Fields. The sun was shining high over the tower in the northwest end of the fields, and the Wise Wisterwood was enjoying it as much as the Bub-Ulbs that were scurrying around. Flower Fields had known nothing but sunshine and peace since Mario had banished Huff N. Puff and rescued Princess Peach from Bowser's grasp.

Suddenly, the door under Wisterwood's face opened, and five individuals stepped through: Mario, Luigi, Wario, Waluigi, and Yoshi. Mario was conducting a tour for his companions, but Wario and Waluigi were simply here to steal anything valuable.

Eventually, the group came upon a stone well. The trees near the well appeared to be dead, and the place reeked of uncertainty.

Mario explained how the well worked: you put something in, and something would come out. Mario went first, and threw in a blueberry.

_(SNIFFFFFF! SNIFFFFFFF! Hey, it's a blueberry! I love these! Take this Flower Saver badge!)_

True to the creature in the well's word, a Flower Saver badge flew out of the well. Mario picked it up.

"There. Now we shall explore the fields and look for anything interesting to put into the well!" Mario said, and the group dispersed.

A short time later, Luigi came back to where the well was. From his pocket, he threw a greenberry down the well.

_(SNIFFFFFFFF! SNIFFFFFFFF! …What the hell? There's no such thing as a greenberry in Flower Fields! We have blueberries, redberries, yellowberries, and bubbleberries, but __**no**__ greenberries! Begone!)_

A Buzzap flew out of the well and chased poor Luigi around the area.

"Momma Mia!" he cried as he fled, the large insect in pursuit.

Much later, Waluigi came back to the well. He didn't find any riches, but found several Stinky Herbs (which he'd sell off as marijuana back in the Mushroom Kingdom). Of course, he wasn't going to give the well any cuts on the profits. It would have to make do with something else. So he took out a bomb, lit it, and threw it down the well.

_(SNIFFFFFF! SNIFF-)_

**KABLOOOOIE!**

_(OOOOWWWW! __**Motherf—ker!**__ That hurt! Let me return the favor, asshole!)_

A trio of Hyper Clefts flew out of the well and began assaulting Waluigi. Just then, Yoshi showed up and gulped all the Clefts up with his long tongue. Waluigi was about to make a run for it, but found himself wrapped up in the dino's tongue and being pulled into his mouth! Now satisfied, Yoshi felt a familiar cramp. He jumped up to the well and laid an egg, which fell down into the darkness below.

_(SNIFFFFFFFFFF! SNIFFFFFFFFF! ...Eh, I guess this'll be breakfast tomorrow. Sorry, but I don't have anything for this at the moment…)_

Disappointed, Yoshi walked away sadly. Poor, poor Yoshi…

By now, it was getting late in the day, so Mario declared it was time to head back home.

"Wait, I have to do something first! An emergency!" Wario cried.

"Fine, but we need to leave soon-a. Make it quick!"

Wario smiled as he ran off towards the well. Under his arm, he carried a burlap sack full of crystalberries and the legendary water stone, all of which would fetch a pretty coin back home. Of course, he had to kill the lily and the daisy to get these objects, which wasn't too hard – they were freakin' flowers!

These gems were far too valuable to waste on the well. Besides, he had to answer the call of nature, now. Whipping out a newspaper, Wario pulled down his trousers and copped a squat on the well's edge. A few moments later, his business concluded, he pulled his trousers back up, reclaimed his sack of jewels, and made for the exit.

_(SNIFFFFF! SNI- __**EEEWWW! Who the f—k left such a smelly thing down here in my well? What is this bulls—t? …Aw, dammit! It **_**is**_** s—t! My well **_**IS NOT AN OUTHOUSE!!**_** Use the toilet next time!!**__)_


End file.
